Anxiety, balloons, and dinosaurs
For most of my life, I worried about dying. My anxiety was so strong and my imagination was so creative that I could picture myself or others dying in any sort of random accident. I was in a constant state of fear, always noticing where one thing could change and we'd all die.
When I finally found the root of my anxiety and began healing it, I found that life was less scary because I wasn't so afraid of dying, yet what I noticed more than anything was how much I wasn't truly living.
Sure, I'd travel the world, spend quality time with loved ones, and even do epic shit–but I would spend most of my time working or thinking about work. Even when I wasn't working.
A few weeks ago, I was realizing how much I had shifted this while also noticing how far I still had to go. It was a question that kept tumbling around my head and it wouldn't go away.
"But did you live?"
A few weeks ago, my friend Lorna told me she was putting together a 4th birthday party with a dinosaur theme for her son Sterling. I was expecting the typical birthday party with cake and balloons and gifts, yet when she showed me her plan, I was blown away.
She'd end up making huge pterodactyls out of cardboard and painting them to look real. Then created a painted T-Rex bigger than herself and remade her wedding teepee into a volcano with balloons for lava. Dinosaur eggs as big her son and a planned parade with all the neighbors and friends.
I was blown away by her creativity, but more for how she was showing her little guy what it looked like to fully live. Even if he might not remember.
So, Dan & I jumped on board and ordered a blow-up dinosaur costume to surprise Sterling and even found one where it would look like the little guy was riding on his own T-Rex. It wasn't a big investment, yet when the time came, I put Sterling on my back and Dan ran through the yard with abandon.
This was what living truly felt like.
As I write this, I am sitting in the Gaylord atrium in Dallas, TX prepping to speak at a conference. Today I'm asking the question "Who Are You Without Your Business?" and as I thought about what I would say, I began to cry.
I cried because I heard the question, "but did you live?"
Most people live to work, yet what would happen if we worked to live instead? If we focused on LIVING–making memories, spending time with those we cherish, resting our bodies & minds–instead of the constant barrage of work that never ends?
What if we put our phones down for a moment and fully listened?
What if we got creative instead of just trying to hit the next deadline?
What if we gave ourselves space to dream?
What if we made time for those we love?
Instead of asking "but did you die?", what if we asked ourselves "but did you live?" and made decisions from there.
I am walking alongside you–choosing to LIVE!
xoxo
Melanie