Have you ever had someone look at you and it felt as if they were seeing your soul?
It can feel terribly uncomfortable to sit across from someone who is so present that you know they’re not thinking about where they’re going next or where they just were.
They’re just sitting with you.
Truly listening.
Truly interested in what you’re saying.
Think about the last time you went on a “date” (with a stranger, your significant other, your child, or even a friend).
You went to a place to sit with them and have a conversation.
Now, ask yourself honestly:
- How present were you in that conversation?
- What did you talk about?
- What did they talk about?
- How often did you find yourself thinking about how you’d respond instead of listening?
- Did you just listen for the sake of listening?
- How often did you check your phone (or think about it)?
- How often did you think about what you were going to do next?
- For much of my life, I was the person who would be thinking about what I was going to say in response to what someone was saying.
I felt I knew the answer before they finished or I had something important to add to the conversation.
I would also be sitting there thinking about what was going to happen after we were done.
So much so that my therapist once told me that I was the person who was so excited to go see the pyramids, yet while looking at them, I’d be thinking about where we were going to dinner that night.
When she shared that, I thought “oh, that’s just how I am.”
She never told me I didn’t have to do this, she just put a label on me and sent me on my way.
It would take many years before I realized that I wasn’t just this way, I’d been trained by the world to be this way.
I had been shown that this was how adults “listen.”
When we were kids, we knew how to be present.
Most of us didn’t wonder when we were going to eat next or where we were going because adults took care of that for us.
We could play by ourselves or with others without a care in the world because we didn’t have to worry about what happened when we were done.
As adults, many of us feel the weight of the world on us at every moment.
Pulling ourselves out of sleep with worry or fear that we’re already behind.
Our cortisol levels spiking as we pour our coffee and groan about how we didn’t sleep as well as we hoped.
Our days are filled with meetings and to-do lists as we hope to make it quickly through the week so we can finally rest on the weekend, if there’s time between all the personal to-do lists and activities of our lives or family’s lives.
So, what would happen if we slowed everything down for just a moment and didn’t worry about what had already happened or what would happen next?
What would happen…
- if we got really present with ourselves or those we love?
- If we were fully in the conversation at hand, not thinking about social media or texting or what other people were doing?
- If we truly listened to the person sitting across from us on Zoom or in real life?
Being present allows us to see.
Being present allows us to be seen.
Being present allows us to know one another.
What if you only had this moment? Not the next. Not the previous. Just now.
What if you allowed yourself to be here right now and gift someone else with your presence?
How different would they feel about your interaction?
How different would you feel about it?
Take some time today to notice how present you are.
Gift someone else with your presence and see how SEEN they feel.
xoxo
Melanie
PSST. Presence has been our topic inside The Brilliant Rebellion the last two weeks so if you love this, this may be your sign to join us. (or hop in our free community to get a feel for what’s going on)
