Rage bubbles up.
The energy shifts.
I know I’m walking into something new,
Yet the old me wants to hold on for dear life.

Every time I’ve shifted into my next self, 
I find so much clarity.
I step into the new me with presence and poise, 
But something feels off about what I leave behind.

There’s a terror underneath the anger.
A fear of what I am walking away from.
A knowing that each time I’ve stepped forward,
A piece of me stays behind.

I tell my clients to make friends with their old selves.
To engage with each version in order to make better decisions.
Yet I have murdered my past selves in a fit of rage
Leaving a bloody mess trailing behind.

This boiling up of my temper, 
It reminds me of my family of origin.
Seemingly out of nowhere, 
Showing me what’s been left unsaid.

And yet I have so much power within me
To shift these feelings into truth
By shining light on this darkness
And finding a younger me shivering in a corner.

Of course I’ve killed her, 
For fear she’ll come back and take over.
Of course I don’t want her to show her ugly face,
Yet she haunts me as I heal.

As I sit in the graveyard today
Of all the women I’ve been, 
I see how often I’ve placed my worth
In the hands of others instead.

The tormented little girl
Taking big steps away from who she once was
Knowing she was made for more
Yet also knowing a beast still lives inside.

My adult self forgiving and forgetting, 
While being plagued by the hoped-for forgiveness of others.
Knowing it’s not up to me to change their minds.
Only love them until they can love themselves.

For I know what it’s like to live in darkness. 
I know what it means to be trapped inside yourself.
A lonely and torturous place
With no doors or windows to escape.

Yet I’ve also been called to be a lighthouse.
Because I know how to stand in the dark.
To shine a light on worry, misery, and fear.
To poke in the darkness until I find pain.
To see myself in every person I encounter.
Because I know the darkness intimately.

I see now that it’s time to reconcile
With each of my seemingly dangerous past selves.
To ask for forgiveness for not bringing them along.
To ask for their guidance as I move forward.
To love them for who they were. 
To know that each version was necessary to become who I am today.

I am now making room for what’s possible.
For what’s next.
While also becoming more and more aware
Of all the versions of me who came before.
Just like all the generations who came before.
Just like all the lives I’ve lived before.

I am who I am because of her.
I am who I am because of them.
I am who I am because I chose this life.
I am who I am because I’ve healed and forgiven.
I am who I am because I love.

Today is the New Moon.
It asks us to leave behind everything that is no longer serving us. 
To make room for everything that awaits. 

Let’s be gentler in our cutting out, removing, and leaving behind.
Let’s be softer in our letting go.
Let’s be kinder to every version of ourselves.
They were there to support us in becoming who we are today.
Let’s take them with us on this journey.
Let’s ask for their guidance in the next steps.
And let’s know that there is nothing wrong with us.
We are healing.
I am healing.
You are healing.

I am you.
You are me.
We are we.

Let’s be kinder to ourselves and each other today and every day.

What are you leaving behind so you can make room for what’s coming?

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xoxo
Your Fairy Guidemother,
Melanie Spring