Wanna know how you’re really doing? Ask.

Asking for feedback is tough. Asking for feedback AND doing something with it is even tougher. Asking for feedback, doing something with it, and growing from it – that’s how you become the best at what you do.

In my career, I’ve read more bullshit testimonials than I want to count – and I can spot them right away. I’ve even had clients try to send me fake testimonials to add to their websites, which has made me waggle my finger and make them get real ones. Most testimonials are too consistent because they’re written by one person. They’re written in the same voice – the voice of the person who wants people to believe someone said those words about them. Is there a templated database of crappy testimonials somewhere for people who don’t want to ask their clients for real feedback?

While I’ve been building my programs, especially SPEAK With Confidence, I wanted to know what we were doing well and what we needed to do better. Sometimes I got a lot of helpful answers – other times I got back information that would only help that one person. Either way, I’ve learned I can’t take any of it personally – it’s business – and the only way we’re going to get better. It’s also the safest place for me to get real feedback in my business.

In reality, I only want to hear the good or bad constructive feedback that will make the program better. It’s usually worded like this: “More of this because _____. Less of this because ______.” We’ve taken ALL of it into consideration as we’ve built this incredible program – even if we haven’t implemented all of it. It’s the reason I KNOW this retreat is the best of its kind.

The most unhelpful feedback I’ve ever received was from an audience about my speaking. I learned quickly that getting feedback from an audience can be torturous if you take any of it personally – good or bad. They can give you the highest praise and make you feel like a rockstar who never needs to change. And they can judge you and tear you down for even showing up and opening your mouth.

You see, audiences are tough. Some humans sit there thinking: “I could do better” or “How did she get asked to speak about this & I didn’t?” or “He’s dressed like an idiot.” or “This is the biggest waste of my time.” Other humans are enthralled with you. They’re taking notes, nodding, listening intently – excited you showed up to speak directly to them.

The first set makes up about 10% of the audience. These humans will never share their name, but are happy to to tell you exactly how they feel with ZERO constructive feedback. It ends up coming out in generalizations about the entire audience or just that you suck.

The second set makes up about 90% of the audience. They will RAVE about you. They’ll sign up for your newsletter and engage with you on social media. They’ll come up to you afterward and give you a hug. They’ll remind you of why you do what you do.

The problem with being human is that we read the 10% and let it eat us alive. We sit with those remarks as if our own mother said them to our faces. We forget that 90% of people loved us – because the negativity creates a black cloud over the positivity. And guess what? You can’t blame them for being mean – they can’t help it. They weren’t taught how to give constructive feedback AND they aren’t the ones on stage doing what you do. You have to blame yourself for focusing on that shit. For letting it eat you apart.

While I was on my most recent vacation, I sat under a cloud of negative energy for a whole day. It was a cloud I believed someone else put over me. Until I journaled about it and gnawed on it for awhile and came to the realization that I don’t have to care what other people think of me – because I care about people.

So, I wrote a phrase that will stay with me from now on. I’m even going to write it next to my desk so I can’t forget it.

I love humans enough to not care what they think about me.

I care SO much about what I do – and I love people enough to share it with them. I know I’m meant to do this so much that I can’t care what they think of me. I say things people don’t like to hear – and I do it on purpose. Some people in my audiences don’t have the space to listen. Maybe it’s not their time to hear what I have to say. That’s 100% ok. They don’t have to. But I love them enough to not care what they think of me or my message. I love them enough to say what needs to be said.

I care so much about what I do because I KNOW it gives humans the ability to become who they are meant to become. And I have to do it without apology. Thankfully, I have a space that I’ve created for real feedback that I can review any time I want – to remind me of my impact. And the impact of my Crew. All the negativity falls away and I start cry-laughing when I watch their beautiful faces.

While we’re hosting our SPEAK With Confidence retreat, we ask our Rockstars to do on-the-spot Confessionals. Little video clips of them telling us how the retreat process is going. Some start recording them before we even start the retreat and others record them after they’ve gotten home. Some record one every day, others give us just one. What I love about these videos is that I get a glimpse into how someone is feeling throughout the retreat. It gives me real-time feedback that I can review when we’re done. They give us their in-the-moment feelings, thoughts, fears, excitement, and wins.

It’s such a delight that I put them on YouTube in a playlist for you to watch. They’re my favorite form of testimonial – and they’re 100% real.

Sometimes I wish I could get these kinds of testimonials from my audiences while I’m speaking or even from those haters who finally hit the epiphany moment years later. Because I DO get little notes from people 2 to 5 years later saying that one of my talks affected them deeply and that they finally got to a place in their lives to share what happened. THAT is why I have to love people enough not to care what they think. Because I have to keep saying what needs to be said.

Now, it’s your turn to ask. To get REAL testimonials. To get REAL feedback.

ASK YOUR CLIENTS

Send a survey to your clients – anyone who gives you money to do what you do.

1. What do we do well?
2. What could we do better?
3. On a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to refer us?

ASK YOUR TEAM

This one is even harder for most companies and personal brands. Send the same survey to your team – anyone who gives you their time (executives, employees, contractors, vendors, interns, and volunteers).

1. What do we do well?
2. What could we do better?
3. On a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to refer us?

When you get the feedback from both sets, do the following:

1. Delete all non-constructive feedback immediately. (Have someone else do this for you before you read it if you don’t think you can handle it.)
2. Look at what you do well and ask yourself if it’s what you want to be known for doing well. If it’s not what you want to be known for doing well, create a plan to change it. If it is, focus on it and keep doing it well.
3. Look at what they said you could do better and ask yourself if it would really be good for your company to do it better – or if it’s actually a blessing that you’re not good at it. Then make a plan for only making the things better that MUST be better.
4. Look at the average number on the scale of 1-10 and figure out what you can do to keep it between a 9-10. If it’s really low, go to the “What could we do better?” answers and start fixing things.

Then post the goodness in THEIR words on your website, your social media, and your proposals. If you want to keep growing as a business or personal brand, you’ll send out this survey every 3-6 months to your clients and your team. Keep asking, keep growing.

• PUBLIC SPEAKING: If you want a safe place to get constructive feedback as a speaker, come join us for the yearly SPEAK With Confidence retreat.
• CORPORATE TRAINING: If you want a safe place for your team to give each other constructive feedback, bring us in to rock your team with a corporate training.
• JOIN THE CLUB: If you want to be really vulnerable, share what you found out about your business or personal brand in the Kickass Humans Club. It’s a safe space for you to share yourself with the world.

I love you enough to not care what you think about me. AND I am so excited to share my world with you.
xoxo