Hi! How are you?
Good. How are you?
How many times have we had that conversation? *tries to count*
So, I asked you how you are right now, would you say “good”?
Good is one of those throw-away words. According to the dictionary, it can mean anything from pleasurable to being approved of to having the qualities desired for a particular role. It doesn’t really mean much as there are no descriptors or specifics.
When someone says “good” to me, I ask if they can explain. I want to hear something that isn’t automatic. I want to know more. I want deeper. I want real.
If I asked you right now how you are, what would you WANT to say?
There’s a war going on – I’m scared!
There’s an election happening – I’m worried!
The housing market feels unstable – I’m uncomfortable.
I’m working on a new offering for clients – I’m excited!
I’m having a baby – I’m thrilled!
I’m going on vacation soon – I’m ready!
That’s SO much more real. I can understand all of that. I can feel you in it. I believe you.
What if we took it a step further? What if I asked you to tell me how you were feeling, yet you had to be completely UNFILTERED? What would you say then?
You’d probably look around to see if anyone was watching, lean in closer, and whisper it.
You might share about how your job doesn’t feel as stable, how your team is underperforming, how your marriage isn’t as happy as it looks, how you’re body doesn’t feel as healthy as it used to, how you aren’t sleeping very well because of the stress at work, how you wish you could do the work you really want to do, how you didn’t handle that last client situation as well as you wanted, how this war overseas is causing you anxiety, how you want to call up that one “friend” and tell him off, how the world feels a bit unstable, and how you don’t know what to do about any of it.
You also might share about how your kid just won an award in school, how your significant other is crushing it at work, how loved your dog makes you feel when you get home from work, how you cooked a meal for yourself last night that felt like love, how your best friend called and you laughed for an hour, how you finally bought yourself that new car and drove it nowhere all afternoon just because, how you meditated for 15 minutes (finally!), how you almost fit into your favorite jeans, and how you dream of celebrating your next birthday with your besties in the Bahamas.
So, why don’t you share those things out loud?
I once had a client who said she didn’t want to share much on social media because she was worried she’d get canceled, bullied, or go viral for the wrong reason. She didn’t want to ruin her reputation, yet she was also too scared to build it.
This sentiment is shared by most people. There are few brave enough to share their real selves with the world. Few who will be real enough to take a stance for what they believe in. Even fewer willing to be vulnerable enough to share more than “good.”
What if I told you that you HAD to share your feelings out loud? On social media? On a stage? In front of all of your friends and family? With the whole world?
What if I told you that you couldn’t hold back just because it might hurt someone else’s feelings? Or it might make someone mad? Or it might make someone think you are arrogant or selfish? Or it might make someone not like you?
What if I told you that you filtering yourself with GOOD is keeping you small?
What if I told you that everything you want is on the other side of GOOD?
Would you be mad at me? Would you hate me? Would you think I was a terrible person? GREAT! I don’t care.
Wanna know why I don’t care? Because I care about YOU.
I’m tired of watching you pretend everything is ok. I’m tired of watching you say you’re making the money you’re not really making. I’m tired of you telling everyone everything is GOOD when you go home and suffer in silence. I’m tired of you being lonely – wishing for people to talk to about what’s really going on, yet keeping yourself quiet so you don’t upset anyone. I’m tired of you keeping it all to yourself for months until you explode in a ball of fury and no one understands what happened. I’m tired of you wishing for more, yet staying quiet and small.
If I asked you how you are right now, what would you say if you were done playing small?
What would you say if you were UNFILTERED?
Take one step – it doesn’t have to be a big one. Say something – ANYTHING – other than “good.”
Let’s start over.
HI! How are you?