(and why Uncle Bob might actually listen this year)
Hey love,
Most people think they need to channel their inner Hallmark card and deliver a Thanksgiving speech so saccharine sweet that everyone needs insulin shots with their pumpkin pie.
Plot twist: That's exactly why Aunt Martha starts scrolling Instagram under the table.
Last year, a friend of mine stood up to give a toast at Thanksgiving dinner, and instead of the usual "I'm grateful for family and health" parade, she said this:
"I'm grateful for the argument we had in the kitchen earlier about whether marshmallows belong on sweet potatoes. Because it means we're all still passionate enough to fight for stupid things, which means we haven't given up on each other yet."
Dead silence. Then her mother-in-law burst out laughing. Then everyone did.
Here's what I've learned from years of helping people with speaking (and navigating my own awkward moments):
From Broken to Beautiful
Your most powerful moment isn't when you're listing blessings - it's when you acknowledge the elephant at the table. You know, the one wearing the "2024 was rough" t-shirt.
Try this: Start with what's broken, then show how it's still beautiful.
"This year kicked our butts. Dad's surgery. The job loss. That thing we don't talk about. And here we all are, showing up anyway. That's not nothing. That's everything."
The 7-Second Rule Nobody Knows
You have exactly 7 seconds after standing up before people's brains decide whether to listen or tune out. It's neuroscience. (I know because my husband is a neuromarketing expert.)
Don't waste it on "Um, so, I just wanted to say..."
Instead, try:
A unexpected question: "Who here thought we'd all make it to this table this year?"
A confession: "I practiced this speech in my car and cried twice."
A pattern interrupt: Stand up, take a full breath, make eye contact with everyone, THEN speak (this is my favorite)
The "Breadcrumb Technique"
Instead of one long monologue that has everyone reaching for the wine bottle, drop breadcrumbs throughout dinner:
During appetizers: Share one specific gratitude about someone at the table
Before main course: Ask everyone to share their "plot twist of 2024"
During dessert: Close with the real stuff (this is when guards are down and tryptophan is kicking in)
The Permission Slip Method
Give people permission to feel what they're actually feeling:
"If you're sitting here missing someone who should be at this table, me too. If you're pretending everything's fine when it's not, me too. If you're grateful AND grieving at the same time - welcome to the club."
This isn't depressing. It's LIBERATING. It's the difference between performance and presence.
Your Signature Move
Here's what most speakers miss - your body tells the truth even when your words don't. If you're standing there stiff as grandma's turkey, talking about joy and gratitude, nobody's buying it.
Instead:
Put your hand on your heart when you speak (it naturally softens your voice)
Look at each person for a full second (not the creepy long stare, just actual connection)
Let your voice crack if it wants to. That's not weakness, that's weather-stripping for the soul
The Exit Strategy
End before anyone expects you to. Seriously. The best speeches are the ones that leave people wanting more, not checking their watches.
My favorite closer: "That's all. Let's eat before Uncle Bob tells us why my gratitude list is wrong."
Your Homework (Yes, There's Homework)
Between now and Thursday, practice saying this out loud:
"I don't have perfect words, but I have a full heart and a table full of people I'd choose again, even on the hard days."
If you can say that without performing it, you're ready.
Remember: The goal isn't to give a good speech. It's to create a moment where everyone at the table feels seen. Where truth gets a seat at the table along with the green bean casserole.
You've got this. And if it goes sideways? That's just next year's opening story.
With radical honesty and a side of my favorite green bean casserole,
xoxo
Melanie
PSST: If someone records your speech and it goes viral for all the wrong reasons, at least you'll have content for my next SPEAK With Confidence cohort. Silver linings, love.
PSSTx2: Speaking of which - if you want to master this kind of authentic speaking (not just for Thanksgiving, but for stages that matter), we have great deals for this holiday week, so don't miss them. But this Thursday? This Thursday is just practice with people who have to love you anyway. Perfect training ground.