You're Not Fooling Anyone (Especially Yourself)

I See You

I see you. That social media post with your spouse, both of you looking perfectly happy. Yet underneath it all, you're seething. Maybe not in this moment, but in all the moments in between. How did you get here? Why did you choose this path? Why can't things be easier? Is this all there is?

I see you. Sharing numbers that prove your success, metrics that make you feel valuable in the world. Behind the scenes, you're running ragged, worn down, burning out while pushing hard and believing the end is in sight. You know you're sabotaging everything. You're running off a cliff, and your busyness is slowly killing you, making you feel a bit crazy.

I see you. Quietly trying not to share the gifts that are dropping into your body so quickly you're not sure what to do with them. The knowing you've had your whole life is slowly coming back with the deepest quiet—something you suspect others will think you're crazy for having. You don't have the words yet. The language of the universe. The way to explain the phrases, the spirits, the beings. You're wondering how you'll find your way through the confusion, unsupported and quiet. Medicating with food or alcohol or whatever your coping mechanism is.

To be human. Only to find out that you aren't just human at all. You're a soul, a higher consciousness with a human container and a human mind, working within the structures of human life without a manual.

So you read all the books. Listen to all the podcasts. Get the certifications. Follow the leaders—spiritual teachers and politicians who tell you how you should do it all. You grew up with trauma that was explained away as "this is just how it is." And you've lived through so much of it, getting through each day until the weekend or the next vacation, numbing because "this is just how it is."

Struggling with so many questions, yet afraid to let go of these old habits because they're safe and comfortable.

The Truth I Learned

For the last 25 years, I've supported people and businesses in fully aligning with and expressing their truth. And I can tell you so many stories of humans who tried to present a certain way while being completely out of integrity. Who wanted their brand to look like someone else's. Who looked at what others had and wished for their own, yet would rather just paint over it—not changing, not shifting, just pretending.

Yet deep down inside, they knew they had to step up into themselves in order to fully receive what they wanted.

I remember my own journey of stepping into myself. The times I was white-knuckling it–finding growth in small pockets. Yet instead of sharing the truth, I'd post a picture of myself meditating, hoping to inspire someone else. My trips around the world alone, feeling lonelier than ever while hoping to inspire someone else to find themselves in the quiet. Me struggling to learn who I was at the core while trying to help others. Finding pain and mess in the darkness without knowing what to do with it.

The universe sent me the most magical guides and mentors to help me along the way. It was amazing to really sit with myself, to be shown the truth, to have a mirror held in front of me knowing I couldn't look away.

But I could have, at any moment. I could have canceled. Could have shifted meetings. Could have let go and decided to keep going the way I was going.

Yet I knew the truth was going to save me.

Radical honesty is at the core of who I am. And yet for most of my life, I lived in fear that people would find out who I really was—because I didn't believe myself most of the time. I didn't believe that I knew what I was talking about. I was trying so hard to help everybody else while not getting the help I needed myself.

But when I look back on all the versions of me I've been, I can see she was always doing the best with what she had. She was only helping people to the level she had grown to.